A man stands on the wooden side of a ship, a cannonball in his hands, chained and clamped to his leg. He has no control over himself. As though pushed by something deep within, he takes a step over the edge.
Cold water engulfs
Light starts to fade
Darkness below
A plummet to the depths
Lungs begin to burn
Ears throb with pressure
The urge to breathe;
The ache for air
Still, this is better
Far better
Than staying dry
Buffeted by life
This life;
So temporary
In the quiet beneath,
he surrenders.
I try my best every day not to be completely overwhelmed. Most days, I get it right just enough – remembering to breathe, slow and steady to keep me from falling.
There are still so many things I want to experience. I know it’s selfish, wanting an end all to myself. Before anything else, I just want to see clearly, through untainted eyes, maybe even understand who I am.
Every night, I lie here, wondering how much longer I can hold on. In these moments, feeling the sheets under my hands is the only thing that keeps me focused, keeps me here.
I’m not afraid of growing distant from the world. It’s the guilt that grips me so deep, so quiet, because I know what this would do to you.
I know I’ve lost perspective. I see the lies my mind feeds me, and still, I feel their sway. I’ve accepted that there’s no getting out of this alive.
Welcome to my website, where I’ll chronicle my journey into the creative worlds of writing and art. Think of it as a travel journal, filled with the sights and detours of creative exploration.
Join me and watch the process unfold: from the initial spark of an idea, the struggle to translate it onto a page, and the eventual birth (hopefully) of a story or image. I’ll share my experiences – the tools I use, the lessons I learn, the moments of frustration and pure joy that come with the creation process.
The destination is undefined, but ongoing exploration is certain. If you’re curious about the journey of finding a creative voice, then join me to see what we discover.
Let the adventure begin!
Waylen Ashwood 